Home for the holidays

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Most of you are probably unaware that I am from Concord, New Hampshire. A very small state that you don’t hear very much about. But it was where I lived eighteen years of my life. Ever since I have left home, I have returned for the holidays for at least a week. Every time I am there, I am reminded of high school and the people high school consisted of. I didn’t like high school. Not at all. So I was always itching to get back to Florida. Not only that, but the weather in New Hampshire this time of year is not my favorite. However, this year was very different. It could be that my boyfriend now lives there again and so it felt good to be with him, but I actually think it had more to do with my family. Being home, I realized how much I miss my family. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much and I can’t get that time back. Everyone is getting older, growing up, and doing new things, and I hate feeling like I’m missing it all. I’m incredibly close with my family and they have always been an amazing support system for me. They are always behind me 100% to catch me if I fall. It made me question whether I want to live so far away anymore. I love Florida for the most part. The beaches, the weather, and Florida is just exciting in a lot of ways NH is not. But I think i’ve realized that what is most important to me is my family, and I want to be with them always. After being home for that week and realizing how happy I was while I was home, I also realized how unhappy I am down here in Florida. Don’t get me wrong, there are A LOT of things I love about being down here. No snow, I love my job at Barnes and Noble, I love the few friends I actually do have down here. I love living on my own and being independent. But I feel so unhappy sometimes. I have taken some measures to be happy again. Like I quit my 2nd job at the bar I worked at only two days after being home. I think I just realized that life it too short to be so unhappy working a part time job. Especially at my age. I’m too young to be dealing with that. Money will be tight for sure until I find another job, but I can already feel how much more relaxed I am. I know my family will help me if I need it. But I just need time to only work the one job, and get back to being happy and living my life. I’ve already applied for other jobs and taken steps to get myself out there, but I’m looking forward to having more time to myself and to get my life back on track. That was my New Years resolution. To be happier and healthier. Mentally and physically.

New Hampshire can bring back a lot of memories that I’ve tried to suppress, but being that it has now been almost three years since I’ve graduating high school, the past week I spent there has been eye opening to me. Do I want to stay in Florida? Am I happy? Do I want to be closer to my family? Hopefully I can find out the answers to those questions and do something that makes me happy.

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