The future…

I’ve never been so unsure of what the future holds in my life. I know I miss home. I miss my family, I miss Hayden, I miss the New England lifestyle and the familiarity and comfort of it. I know I want to move back, but a big part of me will be sad at what I’m leaving behind. The beaches and the warm, sunshiney weather; The friends I’ve made here that I have gotten so close with. Especially Jodie. She will be the hardest to leave behind. The girl is like my sister. We’ve been so close that I can’t see being without her now, and I’m afraid if I move, we’ll lose touch. I’ve been trying to get her to move with Gabi and I, but I know she doesn’t have the money to do it and I feel so bad leaving her because I know I’m her only good friend here. But aside from Jodie, it will be hard to leave my job at Barnes and Noble. I LOVE that job, and I have it made there. I’m close with all the managers, especially Val. I will be so sad to leave Val behind. She’s been like a mother to me during my time in Tampa. She gives me advice, brings me breakfast, brings me dinner, buys me lunch, invites me to have Thanksgiving with her family when I didn’t have any to visit. She has been amazing to me and I can’t thank her enough for everything she’s done and helped me out with. But still, I can feel that my time and Tampa has come to an end. And I think because I am so unsure of what I want to do now, it would be best to just be close to my family while figuring it out.
I have a lot of thoughts and ideas running through my head, it’s just hard to figure out what to do with them. Like, I want to go back to school part time, work at a Barnes and Noble in NH (hopefully as a lead), and then do a bartending job on the side for extra money. But I also want to start a real job that I can make into a career, but I want it to be something I love. I want to write. I want to be like a Carrie Bradshaw. I want to write from home for a magazine or a newspaper and then have another job on the side. Gabi and I talked about getting back into our YouTube videos which is always easier said than done for us. We can never find the time where we are both free and have a good idea to make a video. It’s been hard figuring out what to do and where I want to go. I honestly just needed to write this more for myself than anything to get it all off my chest.

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