Trouble in Paradise Already?

I’ve been home in NH for a little over a week. I know, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but I’ve been pretty busy and distracted. But today I realized that all my worst fears may be coming true. I was scared that if I moved back and was constantly around for my boyfriend, he would start to feel to comfortable and kind of take me for granted. He acts like it’s not a big deal, but his playing video games as much as he does it kind of becoming a major conflict between us. When I was in Florida, it was always “my friends are shitty, my friends don’t even act like good friends. You’re most important to me and I’ll always choose you”, but now that I’m actually here, that story has changed. How do you tell someone that you think they liked you better long distance. Since I’ve been home, I feel like he’s lied to me about multiple things, and I thought since I was home now, if stuff like this happened, it’d be easier to talk to him about, but it’s not. It’s still the same. I don’t even know how to go about it anymore and I already feel like this isn’t going to work long term. I feel like our relationship is going to be constantly arguing about him blowing off plans and then lying about it. If he wants me to just be there at night for something to keep him busy, he’s got the wrong girl. I’m not for him. And I’m not the girlfriend that’s gonna sit around and watch you play video games while I do nothing. I just hope he realizes that him doing this means I’m allowed to do it to him too. I hope he enjoys no longer feeling like he’s #1 in my life because that’s exactly what he’s going to feel. I’m done being there at his beck and call. All he ever wants to do is lay around with me which is nice sometimes, but other times I don’t want to. He does a lot for me, I’m not gonna sit here and make him sound like he does nothing. He does do a lot for me, but money means nothing to me if you can’t follow through on plans. Sometimes he holds that over me. That he spends a lot of money on me, but I never ask him to, he just does. I’m gonna stop letting him pay for me as soon as I find a job and am making my own money again. He’s not gonna be able to hold anything over me. And I can’t wait to be busy and not always be around for him. I guess I just feel like I always am thinking about him and caring about him, and he is only that way for me when it’s convenient for him and he needs someone to hold at night. I don’t honestly, know if him and I will get through this and last, but I have to remember that I didn’t come here for him, I came here for my family and to finish school. Once I’m done school, I can go where ever I want. I also don’t want myself to be afraid to break up with him. I have to do what’s best for me and if it means not being with him, then that’s that.

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One thought on “Trouble in Paradise Already?

  1. Sorry it’s not working out exactly as you had hoped! Hope it improves! If not, you’re right – you have to do what’s best for you and what’s best for you is definitely a man who values you!

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