I Forgot I’m an Adult

Living with your parents again can make you so easily forget that you’re an adult. I lived on my own, in my own apartment that I paid for, and made my own decisions for almost 3 years. Yet somehow, I kind of forget that being home. I feel like I have someone to answer to and someone who judges my decisions. Not that my parents are judgmental at all, and between my sister and I, I am the golden child. But what I mean is, I just started back to school a week ago. I’m a Sophomore in college and I’m 21 years old. I completely pay for my school. My parents don’t help me at all (That would be a different story). Just because I live under their roof right now doesn’t mean that they have ANY say in the choices I make. So yesterday I woke up and started getting ready for school when I realized I didn’t feel well. I had been feeling like I was sleep deprived, but it really hit me yesterday. With having to get up early for school everyday, (something I wasn’t use to anymore), and going to bed late, AND even when I don’t have school, I have work/something to do, I knew I was burning out already. Yesterday I got light headed if I stood for too long, and my whole body just felt weird. I laid in bed most of the day, and after dinner, my boyfriend came over and hung out with me. I felt okay, so we went to go drive by the apartment my boyfriend and his friend just got accepted for. I wanted to get some fresh air, and see where they’d be living now. When we got back to my parents place, I could not stop shivering, and it wasn’t even cold out. It was actually kind of humid. But I felt freezing. My boyfriend was super worried, and just covered me up and tried to hold me for body heat. After about 15 minutes of being under the warmest blankets I had, I finally stopped shivering and my breathing was regular again. After that, I felt fine. As a matter of fact, I was hot. I went on the rest of the night pretty much fine. My mom came home from work in a REALLY bad mood. I was telling her about how I had to stay home from school because I wasn’t feeling well. Instead of being concerned about why I wasn’t feeling well, she said “well hopefully you feel better tomorrow, you shouldn’t be missing that much school”. Well thanks for your concern about my health, but yeah schools definitely more important. *sarcasm*. Like I said earlier, it’d be different if they were paying for my school still. But they’re not. At all. I’m paying for EVERYTHING. So they really have no say in what I do. This morning, I woke up, and I felt fine. I started to get ready for school and do my makeup, when I realized I couldn’t stand for that long without feeling like I was going to pass out. I was getting hot and light headed. I got pretty much all my face makeup done, when I realized that something was really wrong and I couldn’t go to school. I washed all my makeup off and got back into bed. I made an appointment at my doctors office to see what’s wrong and my grandmothers taking me because I don’t even feel comfortable driving. I also emailed my Professors and let them know what was going on. I felt bad staying home at first because I was thinking “I know my parents are going to disapprove”, even though I’m ACTUALLY sick. But then I realized, I don’t give a fuck. Something is wrong with me and I don’t feel well. I shouldn’t feel obligated to go to class because I feel like my parents are going to be unhappy. It’s not their problem. I’M paying for it. I’m an adult and they have NO say over my choices. I feel a lot better mentally now.
I’m so excited for my boyfriend and his friend to move in next weekend. Because that basically means that I never have to be here anymore. I’m going to pretty much live with them. They told me I’m getting my own key and everything. I’m going to move pretty much all my stuff over there, AND I get to decorate the apartment. I’ve kind of been thinking that theres no point in getting my own place right now. I’ll spend most of my time at my boyfriends place, so it’s kind of a waste of money to have my own place when I’ll rarely be there. Also, this way, I can focus on school, and I’ll finally have money to do things. I can buy what I want, when I want, because I won’t have a rent to pay. I mean, if they want me to pitch in a bit every month because I’m there a lot, I’ll definitely do that. It’ll be perfect too because if I feel like I need to be away from my boyfriend for a bit for space, I can just come back to my parents house. I can finally get my hair done, and buy nice clothes, and get my car fixed, because I don’t have to worry about rent. It’ll be ideal.

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