Originally I had all these big plans to vlog my trip to Tampa, and then write a post about the best places to go in Tampa, but, i ended up getting caught up in my trip, as well as hitting a few road bumps, and forgot to take any videos really besides snap chats. I can still do a post on best spots in Tampa because that just takes my knowledge of things as oppose to videos, so let me know if you are interested.
Besides all that, I wanted to talk about what this trip meant to me and what it did for me. When I got down to Tampa and saw my best friend, Jodie, and was back at her apartment, it instantly felt like I never left. We picked up right where we left off, and I felt stronger and more independent again. I felt motivated and productive in more ways then one. I wanted to fully understand these feelings so that I don’t lose them again. First obviously was the weather. The sunshine and warmth made me happy and feel less sluggish. I felt like I was up to anything instead of just sitting inside all day like I do in NH. The colder time in NH is coming to and end, and I can’t wait for that. It’s always been obvious to me that the sunshine and hear make me happier. Being back at my old stomping grounds made me re-find my passions. For a while now, close friends of mine have made comments to me that kind of back up the idea I had that I lost myself. Some may seem stupid, but things like “I’ve never seen you this pale” “Yeah I’m surprised you stayed with him after everything” or “I always use to think you had the cutest clothes and style.” Like I said, it may sound stupid, but being tan was who I was. It made me feel strong and confident in my own skin. I use to have a passion for clothes, fashion and makeup, but I’ve fallen out of that. I settle on clothes and thing “good enough” instead of buying clothes that I feel actually express me and make me feel good. Being back in Tampa made me re-find those passions. I think it does have to do a lot with the fact that winter fashion has never really been my thing, and we don’t have all the trendy shops in NH like they do in Tampa. Needless to say I spent a decent chunk of money on clothes and other things that aren’t easy access in NH. I’m tired of spending a lot of money on a lot of cheap clothes, and instead I want to spend a lot of money on less, but better quality clothes. I want to feel confident in what I wear and I want to have a lot of options. For a while since moving to NH, I’ve thought I wanted to be a minimalist. I thought I wanted to have less clothes and “things” but I realize that’s not who I am. While I do want to have less things that I don’t really need, having a large closet is who I am. It helps me express myself and makes me feel good.
In return, feeling this way has also made me feel like I want to work more and harder so that I can afford to pay all my bills, and still have money to spend on me. For months now I’ve been working to pay bills, which is fine and all, but there’s never anything left for me to spend on me, and before moving in with my boyfriend, that was always important to me. I never wanted to feel like I couldn’t have the things I wanted because of bills. I want to be able to go shopping for myself beyond TJ Maxx and Marshalls. I want to splurge on myself and buy myself nice things. Be able to get my nails and eye brows done. I’m tired of worrying about money when I do have opportunities to work more. From now on, instead of sitting around after classes because I don’t have homework or anything to do, I’m going to pick up shifts at work and make some extra money for me. It may seem superficial or materialistic, but its important for me to feel myself again. I want to be happy, healthy, and organized, and this is the way to do it. I want to feel independent again and like I am able to do what I want, when I want.
This trip was really eye opening for me. It made me see all the things that use to make me happy and strong, and now I know what I need to do to get them back.