Voice of a generation – Stuck in a rut

Over the last 3 years or so, I’ve realized that I WANT to be one of those people that wakes up and has a strict morning routine that I stick to, a strict workout routine that I stick to, and someone that just is organized and takes good care of themselves. Of course a lot of people want and try to be this way, but it’s a lot easier said than done.
I’m at that age where my future is coming fast, and things start to get scary. I’m still so unsure of what I want out of life and how to get there. I know I want to have a job where I can MOSTLY work from home. Obviously I like writing, so it’s not too hard to accomplish that if I get a job in this field. I don’t mind working in an office a couple days a week, and if I don’t make as much money as I’d like, I don’t mind continuing on as a server a couple nights a week for a little extra cash.
Sometimes I sit and think to myself how unrealistic my goals are and how a lot of people probably have similar ones, and it’s only ever going to be a dream. As much as I like to write, do I have a voice people enjoy? Do I write about things that interest other people? It’s hard to know really. I know I’m not really a creative person. I’m good at writing what I know, which isn’t always the most interesting. But I just want my writing to be real. I want regular everyday people like me to be able to relate to what I have to say. I want my writing to be honest. I don’t want to make my life seem glamorous when it’s not.

I’m a 22 year old college student who’s only in my 2nd year because I took two years off from school. I work part time as a server and live with my 23 year old boyfriend in a shitty apartment we can just barely afford. I don’t get out much as there is nothing to do in my city, I eat like shit, I procrastinate, and I don’t workout. The only things in my life that actually make me happy are my boyfriend, and the fact that I get really good grades in school.

But this isn’t the life I want. I know I’m young, but I don’t want to give up my happiness now just to maybe be happier in the future. I want to always be happy. Again, another life goal that seems unrealistic, but I’m so tired of people thinking happiness is something that just comes eventually, and never achieve it. I want to always be happy with my life and living it to the fullest. It’s stupid to be like “well I’ll just be unhappy for the next few years so I can maybe be happy later in life.” I’m so tired of that being a mind set. People telling me that I shouldn’t transfer and do online schooling and move back to Florida. Guess what? I HATE in class classes. They make me miserable and it’s a waste of gas when I can get the same education online. And guess what else? I don’t like living in NH. There’s nothing wrong with NH at all, it’s just been clear since I was a kid that it’s not for me. I’m tired of people giving their opinion on how I should live my life without me asking for it. Mind your business.

With all that being said, the past few months have been hard and I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut. Winter weather makes me sad and just makes me feel like a sack of shit, honestly. I feel run down, unmotivated, and unproductive, and it’s not me putting off getting my shit together when I say that I don’t think I’ll be able to pick myself up until the weather gets nicer. Something about warm weather makes me happy and motivated. It becomes a lot easier for me to get shit done. I’m waiting for spring to actually start in NH so I can feel myself again.

So, going along with the title of this post, I want to get out of my rut, be more productive, and set some goals for myself. I want to set weekly goals, monthly goals, and long term goals. I want to wake up and have a routine and stick to it so I can feel organized and productive. I want to eat better so I can have more energy, and I want to work out so I can have more energy as well. I have been looking everywhere for the motivation, and it has taken a long time to come to me. I’m honestly not even sure I have it yet. But I need to try. I want to live the life I want to live, and that isn’t some glamorous life that looks perfect. It’s a simple organized and put together life that makes me feel in control again.

I am going to start posting on here at least once a week now as one of my weekly goals. I am going to write about whatever I want, but I always want feedback. I want to be a writer more than anything, but I also want tot write what I know and what other people want and need to read. I want to be the voice that all of us have but not all of us use. I want to be brutally honest and relatable. I want to have an outlet to express my thoughts to people who think the same and differently.
I just want to be the honest voice of my generation.

 

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