I need some relationship advice.
When I first moved back from FL, my boyfriend and I had a really rocky few months where we just kept fighting and fighting. Then some stuff came to light shortly after of him messaging other girls, yes plural like more than one. I personally consider this emotional cheating because guys know they’re not suppose to be doing it. If you feel like you have to keep what you’re doing secret, it’s wrong. End of story. Anyway, we only REALLY moved on from all that stuff around last December, but I still have lingering trust issues with him, that get brought up from time to time.
Fast forward to last Friday, when he wanted to go visit his friend at school (University). Before he and I started dating, he use to visit that school on the weekends sometimes, and would get drunk and hook up with girls most of the time. So it’ll come as no surprise that I wasn’t too fond of the idea of him going there, drinking, and staying the night, which was his plan, with me just at home and working. He gets a certain way when he’s been drinking and honestly, I really don’t trust him when he’s drunk, which is why I didn’t want him visiting his friend. I expressed this to him and after a small back and forth, he decided not to go. This may seem like I’m crazy, but his friend is about to graduate and is from the same city as us so he will be coming home in like two weeks, and I just don’t understand why he couldn’t wait until then to see him. Also, college girls are sluts, and with my boyfriend already having a past at that school, I didn’t trust the situation at all.
So, as much as I hate that part of me still doesn’t trust him, I don’t. Which is why I periodically check his FaceBook (I know his info), and look at the messages. For the past few months there’s been nothing to worry about. Just talking to old military friends and what not. But I still check because I know if a guy is going to do that stuff again, they will wait until they think you’re over it and have moved on.
So this morning, I went on and saw a message from Saturday night between him and a girl he use to be friends with before we dated. I’m also like 99% sure they hooked up before we dated. He also lied to me last summer about hanging out with her. He actually never was truthful about it, he got caught when she posted some pictures of them down the line. They were with another guy and girl I know so they weren’t alone, but the fact that he never told me and lied about it makes it seem shady. They when I asked him to be totally honest about it, he still lied. The photos were taken of the four of them sitting in a car, and he tried to tell me that she just came over to his friends house while he was there and they just sat in the car and talked. At the time I didn’t have the pictures in front of me so I just said okay and moved on. Later on, I saw the pictures on FB again, and they were sitting in a large parking lot clearly at some sort of business or something. But I didn’t want to fight about it all over again so I just said ‘whatever’ and moved on.
So the message between him and this girl was seemingly innocent as a whole at first. ‘Hi, how are you?’ ‘Good how have you been?’ blah blah blah. Even though I was happy when I saw she said ‘I miss you how have you been?’ and he just answered the question instead of saying ‘I miss you too’.
Here’s the part I don’t like. HE messaged HER first on Saturday night around 9:30pm right before I got out of work and came home to pick him out and take him out for food and drinks. When I got home that night, I found he had been drinking with some guy friends which I didn’t really think anything of. But now, after seeing this FB convo, I know that’s why he messaged her. Because he had been drinking. Now, I might seem crazy to some, but think about it. When you’ve been drinking, if you think about someone you miss or love, you immediately want to talk to them, and you have the balls BECAUSE you’ve been drinking. So why was he thinking about her? I know he doesn’t love her and I’m not saying that at all. But if he messaged her while he was drunk, some part of him has to miss her.
Okay so here’s my dilemma. What do I do about it? I want to say something about it but I don’t want to tell him I was on his Facebook and shit, because he’ll be pissed. I know it’s an invasion of privacy but he’s given me no reason to give him any privacy. He’s lied about things and then lied again when confronted about it. I know this was like 7 or 8 months ago that all this happened, but I think the reason it REALLY bothers me, is because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him. How would he feel if I was the type of person who messaged old flings when I got drunk? He would lose his shit if I did that. Not only this, but it makes me want to start going through his phone again. Because I haven’t done that in a loooooong time, and this FB message makes me wonder who he’s been texting.
Anyway, all that being said, I need advice on how to handle this situation. Should I just let it go for now? Or say something?